If sadness and other non-happy feelings makes our heart so heavy, why can’t we have stronger hearts. No matter how much i want to believe in something, there always seems to be something holding me back. And deep down, it hurts. I think the feeling’s akin to someone telling a kid that there’s no such thing as santa in this world, destroying his/her belief and hope that santa might actually drop from the chimney on Christmas day. I don’t know what has the year done to me, i’ve cried the hardest i’ve ever did in my life, but i’ve also had moments where i felt genuinely happy. But why does it seem like i can’t grasp onto these moments? As much as i want to hold onto them, they’re fleeting.

It’s a strange feeling, isn’t it? Being in love. The yearning and want for attention and care. I used to think that with love, everything’s gonna be better. And as much as I hate to admit it now, I think i’m broken. They say anxiety is a feeling you get when you’re overwhelmed with the situation and your body can’t find a way to adapt to it, other than by reacting the way it does, but anxiety as I know it, and how I feel it is way more than just that. It hits you unknowingly, and it’s really difficult to shake it away. It lingers around and it’s makes you feel even smaller than you already are. I don’t know what has been fueling these emotions.

But,

I hate that it doesn’t go away.